If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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