I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
