onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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