She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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