he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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