i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
