He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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