omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my sisters under your porch take her home
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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