Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize