Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
