Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm at about main and main street
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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