If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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