last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
