My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
