Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
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