Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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