Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
