i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
