Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
