there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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