eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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