home. puking in laundry basket.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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