Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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