Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
