So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
