Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I puked a lego.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
