You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
