they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
