If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize