That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a blender
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize