Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
