you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
