I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
