rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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