my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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