I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
