I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Dear god my vagina.
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