I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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