We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
