low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
