I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
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I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
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We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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