I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We don't watch enough power rangers
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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