Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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