no, he came in my armpit
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Hippo gnu deer
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
