ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
