I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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