So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
