his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
