you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
