currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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