you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just invented taco cereal.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
