I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
