hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
