you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
