My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
