Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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