watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
