the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
