Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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